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I think I was "Gaslighted" by my mother while I was growing up. When the harsh and painful truth landed in my consciousness I began trusting my own instincts and being able to consistently make better choices for myself. I wonder how many parents thought lying made things somewhat tolerable. And how many children grow up wondering what is actually wrong with themselves?

For those that can count the blessings as well as the losses there is always hope and thus, survival. Those that are unable to achieve the balance, seem to drown in their own hopelessness. Balance is always better. Do the gods tell you to find your voice?

I have two grandaughters that need me very much.  I need to be able to pay for a place where they could come and be with me.  Their father, my son, died of a heart problem and their mother is in a rehab center.  I am an online student as I am disabled and needed to retrain to be able to get back an ability to make a living.  I just turned 50 yesterday and will be meeting with the county worker next week about getting my grandaughters.  Right now I am in a little studio, but I need to get into a house where there will be room for them.  They are so beautiful and I really want to somehow make it possible for them to have a good education and good opportunities for their futures.  My father passed right before my son, so I feel completely alone on this and could really do some good with a little help.